The Numbers Game

Our journey has been three years long,
Also thought of as 36 cycles
During which, we’ve had three losses
We’ve had four separate doctors
Six disappointing ultrasounds
And zero diagnosis or possible reasons why
I’ve lost count of the blood tests, pregnancy tests, ovulation tests

But I have also lost count of the prayers, the number of friends and family that are with us,
The number of blessings we’ve been given
And the answered prayers and babies born of so many mamas

Which makes this time now still hopeful and new
This seems like a third phase for us,
With five days of letrozole,
One shot of Ovidrel,
Three days of ovulation,
Another two weeks of waiting,
And the same 15-20 percent chance

It seems the same, and it seems different
It feels hopeful but silly to be hopeful
Which makes it hard to talk about
There’s not much to say when things seem the same, and the process still seems long
There’s nothing different to report
And the outcome might still be the same

So, while I might not have much to say,
It’s the prayers, friends, and family that keep me sane
It’s God’s impossible love that keeps me hopeful
And my trust in His Will that makes 100% of this just another part of my testimony for His Kingdom

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